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Keith Aull
Confessions of a Speed(bump)er
Zane Fischer's picture
Posts: 180
Joined: 2007-05-02
Last Active: October 20, 2007, 1:25 pmOffline

Bump in the RoadAnyone thinking speed tables are a Maginot Line against fast driving will get what they deserve Bump in the RoadAnyone thinking speed tables are a Maginot Line against fast driving will get what they deserve A friendly recommendation to Upper Canyon Road dwellers

People considering asking the City of Santa Fe to install speed tables in order to slow traffic from it’s current average of 35 mph to it’s legal limit of 25 mph are, to put it politely, smoking asphalt crack.

Would speed tables disrupt the visual character of the road? Without doubt. But, although this debate is fundamental for many of the people arguing on both sides, the notion that Upper Canyon is simply “out of options” and must resort to speed tables, despite their regrettable appearance, is the fallback position of those in favor of the tables.

People have been told by the Public Works Department that speed tables work, that differences have been measured on, for example, Camino Lejo after the installation of speed tables. Never mind the fact that Camino Lejo residents regret the installation and wish the devices were gone, people want speeds to slow and they believe in the solution.

I was part of neighborhood meetings which approved speed humps and speed tables on Baca Street. We all listened to the advice and though the tables would help. And traffic remains, fast, congested and dangerous. Even when its slow, it’s dangerous.

It’s possible that there’s a measurable decrease in speed after the installation of speed tables, but only when considering the averages. The reason? People who strictly obey the speed limit and people with extra low-ground clearance cars will slow down to about five mph directly in front of each speed table. Some of them travel slowly between each table and others speed right back up, only to suddenly slam on the brakes again. Chronic speeders (some of whom are excellent drivers and some of whom are consistently dangerous drivers) have figured out that, while old-fashioned speed bumps are pretty nasty unless you slow down, new-fangled speed humps and speed tables are smoothest when hit at about 40 or 45 mph. I’m serious. Driving down Baca Street or the portion of Agua Fria between St. Francis and Guadalupe, I actually speed up before each speed device, so long as traffic allows and it feels safe. This is the smoothest way for my body and my suspension to navigate the bumps.

The ultimate fact remains—people who are judicious about posted limits will continue to respect them and people who speed will continue to speed. Some vehicles, like big 4 x 4 trucks and motorcycles occasionally perceive speed humps and tables as an exciting opportunity to catch a little air or do wheelies. What do you think is safer—a truck going 35 mph with it’s tires firmly on the pavement or a truck sailing through the air at 50 mph?

OK, if speed tables don’t work, what should a street like Upper Canyon do? Obviously, residents should match the city on resurfacing the entire road in cobblestone. Not only is it attractive and historic, but it burns calories while you drive by virtue of shaking your excess fat. If such will and organization and funding doesn’t exist, perhaps soliciting the help of the Arts Commission, through a joint effort with Public Works would be a good idea. Instead of the city ponying up for an ugly and ineffective solution based in petroleum products, it can hold a contest to have an artist or a designer create a series of signs or symbols which remind people of the quiet, residential neighborhood, the historic character and the continual presence of pedestrians, cyclists, children and pets. New Mexicans respect the safety of children. Some Upper Canyon residents claim the lone hand-painted sign pleading for slow traffic fails to curb speeding, but a more continual reinforcement, in a creative manner, is more likely to get people to slow down and enjoy the drive than covering the place in asphalt humps.


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povertywithaview's picture
Posts: 11
Joined: 2007-07-12
Last Active: September 11, 2007, 11:01 amOffline
Re: Confessions of a Speed(bump)er


Speedbumps: noun, a stupid symptomatic solution for larger unaddressed problems with myriad unintended consequences including additional wear and tear on vehicles, longer drive times, increased gasoline consumption, danger to various modes of pedestrian transportation, excessive construction cost, and hindrance to snowplow drivers.

synonyms: stupid lumps in the road, santa fe city councilors


povertywithaview's picture
Posts: 11
Joined: 2007-07-12
Last Active: September 11, 2007, 11:01 amOffline
Re: Confessions of a Speed(bump)er

p.s. I am down to split the cost of renting a bobcat tractor with anyone who wants to start pealing this bullshit off the streets and stacking it in front of Heldmeyer's house.
sailinship's picture
Posts: 150
Joined: 2007-08-27
Last Active: July 15, 2008, 11:20 pmOffline
Re: Confessions of a Speed(bump)er

If speed bumps are for slowing down moving vehicles, what are goose bumps for?

So, have you ever seen all the work it takes to make a road flat? A nice flat road is really nice for your vehicle, it helps reduce wear, especially on the shocks. I drive a beater and every time I go over a speedbump I hear my shocks groan. i guess in an SUV, Range Rover, Land Rover etc. it's not the same. 


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Devo_s Advocate's picture
Posts: 5
Joined: 2007-09-05
Last Active: September 11, 2007, 5:58 pmOffline
Re: Confessions of a Speed(bump)er

how about we all agree to make speed bumps in the shape of people and then we can vote on which people to turn into bumps? i mean hopefully people would slow down if they thought someone was lying in the road, unless, of course, the vote winds up putting people like our president on the speed bumps...
Posts: 15
Joined: 2007-08-11
Last Active: December 25, 2007, 9:22 pmOffline
Re: Confessions of a Speed(bump)er

Cobblestones help you lose weight? Frankly, judging from the overly healthy tourists currently driving around the plaza area, I think that just might be a stretch of reality.

 One of the people I work with lives on Upper Canyon Road and tells me that her house has been robbed twice in the past ten years. If nothing else, maybe speedbumps would keep the thieves from making such fast getaways?Money mouth


Posts: 3
Joined: 2007-08-24
Last Active: September 14, 2007, 12:06 pmOffline
Re: Confessions of a Speed(bump)er

I'm in favor of speed slumps.  Blending in with whatever road surface they are applied to, yet invisible, and unoticeable to non-speeders, the slumps sense the over-the-limit-outlaws, and  simply suck them down into a dark hell-hole.  Not unlike a tar pit.  In fact, quite a bit like a tar pit.     It is possible watching someone else gets sunk into a slump may serve as a deterrent, but then again, maybe not.  Nothing is perfect.  
sailinship's picture
Posts: 150
Joined: 2007-08-27
Last Active: July 15, 2008, 11:20 pmOffline
Re: Confessions of a Speed(bump)er

How do you avoid the trouble of speed bumps? Buy a vehicle that is manly enough to ride over them without incident. or succumb.
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